I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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