My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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