WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Randomize
