what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
