i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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