Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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