I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
