Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
