i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Randomize
