So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Randomize
