party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
