I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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