Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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