Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
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