If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
