How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
As shirtless as possible
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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