So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
