I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize