I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
