I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
