Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I wish I could punch you in the face.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Randomize
