Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
