If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
