The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
