2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
