your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
