you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
