somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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