Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
