If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
