I am in a vortex of obligation.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
