No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
