i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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