you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
