Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize