i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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