Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Randomize
