Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
