I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
