I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
