Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I smell stomach acid.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Randomize