Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
