i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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