THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Randomize
