fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I think I am morally bankrupt
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
It's shark week go big or go home
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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