I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
