I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
