i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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