She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
