....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Randomize
