I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I'm sobbing to NWA
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Congratulations! We have a period
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
