Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
