Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
