I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
