This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
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