well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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