Don't you send me to vm
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
