After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize
