he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
