I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
