i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
