Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
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